Farewell Gen Med

11 weeks on
and besides the initial trepidation
i must say i have enjoyed this rotation
not as much as i enjoyed gen surg
and i most certainly will not miss it the way i missed surg
but i will miss the people i worked with

2 rotations of seeing Bei everyday
i think i'll feel a bit lost when i go do ED in Bendigo with her not being around :(

will also miss alot of the Med regs that amused us everyday
and contrary to what we were initially led to believe, and bucking against the trend of the first few days....we really enjoyed working with angry man
because after awhile....we became immune
and after awhile we could tell he liked us
and then when he said mean things, it was actually with an edge of amusement and usually with a bit of affection
it was quite warm and fuzzy when we realised he was actually quite sad when we said goodbye

*sigh*
off to Bendigo on Tuesday....don't start work till Wednesday, but that's because they've taken away all my weekends
DAMMIT
sighz
i don't anticipate loving ED
too much nonsense walks through the door, and you have no hope of them being filtered out because, well....i AM the filter
on the upside
look forward to being reunited with suks.....we're gonna be housemates
HUZZAH!

Emotionally exhausted

Today's been a bad day
a long day
but not that much longer than my usual Mondays in terms of physical hours
but just emotionally and to an extent physically....much more draining
i'm the most drained today than i have been since i've started working
and for the first time since i've started working i'm actually half dreading work tomorrow

the reason?
we have a new reg
and he isn't the nicest person in the world
the weird thing is....my co-intern and i were trying to explain to someone why we felt so crap today
but we couldn't quite put our finger on it
it's not like he yells at us
or that he humiliates us
or that he bullies us
but it's just this general vibe of discontent that radiates from him
and even though we're good at what we do
and we're efficient, and we have the answers for the questions that he asks us..... we always feel like we're not good enough or that we're failing him
it's stupid
and we're also really on edge when we're with him
our ward round today was the most stressful ward round we've had to date
and we still can't figure out why

oh well
fingers crossed it's just a first-day thing
but i doubt it'd change very dramatically
we'd been pre-warned even before he started

hell....we should have known what we were in for when his peers call him angryman

Sigh

All smiles

It's been a good weekend
i was meant to work on saturday, but someone needed to switch shifts so i'm working this coming sat instead....something that may bite me in the ass this weekend
but i shan't think about that for now

friday night
filled with pleasant surprises
*smile*

alright
back to work i go
angry man is our new reg starting tomorrow
*worrie*

Thank you

Thank you Lord
for this day and all it signifies

Thank you Lord
for everything you gave up to give me everything i didn't deserve

Thank you Lord
for your love that overwhelms me

Thank you Lord
for everything

Thank you Lord
my words can never express it enough

Update!

Sorry for the sparcity of post-age
but my life has been consumed by work
coming on the gen med was like
'WHAT IS THIS!'

and on our first day our reg called in sick O_O
which meant we got a substitute reg
and then we were on cover
why does this always happen to me?

anyhoo
week 2 now and it's getting slightly better
but i still miss gen surg at the northern
we met up with our old reg on the weekend at a workshop and he was like 'cooooome baaaaack'
lolz

even 2 weeks into this job has told me i can't be a physician
there's no curing on our wards
just prolonging of life
it's not like surg where you see people come in looking like crap and the walk out the next day smiling
it's not like anaesthetics where you see the blade of the knife sink into skin and the patient not even flinch because of what you've done
hell it's not even like ED where people come in acutely unwell and you either fix them (think tension pneumothorax) or you palm them off so you never see them again

meanwhile we're the people that people get palmed off to
bah
*shudder*
hate to even think about people that do rehab or aged care as a job

don't get me wrong, gen med sure has its interesting moments
but it's just not something i see myself doing in the long term

anyhoo
i'm enjoying my morning off today
i'm working Good Friday and Easter monday
so this week while everyone's been talking about 'what are you doing for the 4 day weekend' i'm like 'what 4 day weekend?'
haha

sigh

Farewell Gen Surg

Today I worked my last shift of Gen Surg at the Northern
the shift itself went ok
but this whole rotation has been fantastic

Wonderful unit
great consultants
uber reg
and of course.....fabulous co-intern

the past 11 weeks have been suuuuuuuuuuuuuper

i start Gen Med at Austin tomorrow
and i start with a cover shift and a weekend shift
*sigh*

haven't been updating the blog for awhile
work tends to eat into ur life like that
when i'm free i'm out
so i hardly get the chance to update

main update was picking up my new baby last week


i heart!

Dysarthria....

These few days I've been flitting in and out of various degrees of dysarthria
read: inability to articulate onself
as opposed to the slurry-goodness a stroke will set upon you

anyhoo
there's been alot of thoughts and emotions just sitting around....swirling around
things i want to say but can't think of how to say it
and sometimes it gets so frustrating i just want to scream
i think 'just say it!' and yet...i can't

i found myself in an interesting position the other day
well it wasn't really *that* interesting
but it was like this moment of realisation
that a person i'd labelled as a casual acquaintance...a regular annoyance...etc...
i realised that'd unexpectedly become a friend...and one that actually seemed to care about me
the thought semi-scared me for a moment
how did this person worm their way into my life
do i want them in this position?

and what about the other friends in my life
that have just faded away as the weeks/months/years have gone

this cycle of rotating friendships
it's healthy and yet unhealthy

am i too cynical when i question the reasons behind everything
when the concept of someone being nice 'just because' doesn't occur to me...or if it does, is quickly brushed away

argh
look at my dysarthria!

my head hurts

why can't life be like a stick drawing
simple and no fuss
...
oh wait... i know why....coz i'd get bored

damned if you do and damned if you don't
c'est la vie :(

*whimper*

Went in to work earlier today because we were post-take
was faced with our worst post-take EVER
we admitted 15 new patients over night
doesn't sound like alot to those doing gen med
but it's alot to us!

Such a long drawn out day at work
the drive home was worryingly drowsy
had to actively keep thinking "STAY AWAKE!"
on the upside, didn't have to resort to literally slapping myself to stay awake while driving (unlike one of my fellow interns after a cover shift)

tiredness compounded by several other factors
poor sleep
2 hour gym sessions
mental stress
and the like

i would love a day off right now
a day off to go to a day spa
i'd love that

oh well
friday is rapidly approaching....well...i use the word rapidly loosely
but it still approaches
*tired cheer*

First of a giant happy birthday to Chi and Ernie Mei
hope you both had a wonderful birthday filled with all sort of warm fuzzy memories ;)


am in a funny mood tonight
if i was in a movie
i'd be sitting by the window gazing out while it's raining outside
and i may or maynot be strumming a guitar

oh well
life isn't a movie
there are no warm fuzzy happy endings around the corner
there's just...
daily life
in all it's mediocrity and disappointments
bah

Huzzah!

Great success
we have finally gotten internet at our place
woo hoo
and kevvy unexpectedly came home last night
so we got to sit around and revel in our internet-dom as well as generally sit around and bitch ;)

it's good and bad having the net
the internet tends to suck your time away
but it's not like you do anything productive
but hours just melt away
and nick and i were saying that not having the net around was good
coz we'd sit around and talk for hours every night
now we just sit and stare at our laptops...even though we're sitting next to each other
and it's only been one night since we've gotten the net!

sads :(

anyhoo
work is busy
my co-intern went and fractured his finger last night
so for the next 4 weeks only i can scrub into theatre
which is good and bad
we'll see how it pans out
i almost fell asleep during a right hemicolectomy today though
bad....
haha

A month?

Has it really been a month since work begun?
it sure feels like much longer
i can't complain too much though
even though my surgical unit is one of the two most busy units in the northern
and our patient load is so much more than some of the other units....
i come home to horror stories of gen med at the Austin everynight
and i watch Nick deteriorate into a stressed out and angry version of himself
poor thing ;(

alas i've discovered that my next rotation that was meant to be 'MAPU' is actually a lie
and i'm actually going to be doing gen med
sads

anyhoo
my new reg started on monday
and i totally heart him
he's nice, friendly and competent
our old reg...
well....
yeeeeeeees

and new reg is easy on the eyes too
hahahaha

last weekend my saturday was spent waiting allllllllll freaking day in the apartment for my new bed to be delivered
we specifically said deliver before noon
and they said 'yes yes'
and then they were like 'oh wait.....you're in the afternoon list'
and in the end
it didn't arrive until freaking 5.45pm
WTF

baaaaaaaaaaaaah

anyhoo
presenting....my new bed ;)





i heart ;)

argh
it's too damn hot
freaking 44 degrees
it's just not right :(

It's that asian time of the year again

Tomorrow is Chinese New Year
coincidentally it's also Australia Day
but back to Chinese New Year...
the year of the Ox begins tomorrow
it also reminds me that i'm going to be turning 24 this year
le sigh
youth is fading so fast
*hand on forehead*

this will be my first Chinese New Year spent away from family
our usual traditions have to be abandoned
in their place will be 14.5 hours of surg cover
*weary hurrah*

i hope everyone else has a great CNY
eat all those uber goodies on my behalf ;)

sometimes i forget how good i am at repressing things
it's a skill i've developed and honed since young
with the characters in my family and the situations that have arisen in my life
it has always been prudent (or sometimes necessary) to maintain a composed front

a few years ago i wondered to myself if i was become too heartless
if my heart had somehow developed an iron coating that was now impenetrable
i usually consider this when i'm faced with events in the hospital that have others feeling sad/distressed etc.....and i just shrug it off

i'd also previously decided that it was probably for the best
given my profession

but sometimes the iron cast around my heart cracks a little
and for a moment i get a glimpse of what it would be like if i was a little more.... in tune with my feeeeeeeeeeeelings

had one of those moments today
the force of the emotions that overwhelmed was so great it felt like someone punched me
hmmm wait
it appears i've had a few of those moments this week
one of which manifested as sudden onset chest pain and shortness of breath whilst crossing the road during the shopping trip i attempted to enjoy on my afternoon off
but after that one i took a deep breath and kept walking and managed to re-suppress
today however
today it caught me unawares
and whilst i was caught up in the sea of emotions, i also marveled at how well i'd hidden them
how unaware i was that they were there
and they had the ability to be....so strong

i was actually quite glad after it all
i thought to myself
i can still feel
i am still human
i am not beyond hope

I'm still alive m'kay :)

Alright it's been AGES since i've last posted
for a variety of reasons
but more recently......mainly because we're still awaiting internet connection at the new place

so it's the end of my 2nd week as an intern
and it's going pretty good so far
our fellow who initially looked harsh/strict/mean turned out to be very warm/friendly/fun
sadly today was her last day
but we got to enjoy her all this week while our not-very-useful-for-medical-decisions reg worked nights :)
and i can't complain about my co-intern...coz he's great and does his share of the work and we work well together

i forget what i have and haven't shared because there's been a bunch of email chains between the meddies where we basically bitch and whine about our days
lol

i might as well run through it here just in case
Mmmmm

first week seemed pretty long
considering on our first day we had an almost MET call (i.e. one step down from a code blue, but still involves a bunch of senior doctors running in) about 20 mins before our unit meeting with the consultants
luckily beloved Maithri was around to help us with it
the work up and sorting out of things still took ages and we ended up missing our meeting (on our first day .... wonder if the consultants hate us now)
and subsequently our lady was diagnosed with having bilateral PEs
fun fun fuuuuuuuuun
which also meant i had to make my first referral
a task most interns dread because we've been talked to about the perils of a crap referral
but lucky for me....after i prepared my whole schpiel and paged the med reg
he rang back and was like "hi this is the med 2 reg" and i was like "hi i'm stephanie the surg 4 intern that just paged you about......"
and he goes "is this steph chen?"
and i'm like "choung is that you?"
and then the referral became very informal lol
i've been lucky with referrals
they've either been to regs i'm friends with
or to regs that have been nice
w00t

anyhoo
moving on in the story
so yes....there was that lady for our morning...
and then i was scheduled to be on cover for my first day
which means that while everyone works from 7.30-5.30
i worked from 7.30-10
and between the hours of 5.30 to 10.30 i'm the only intern manning all the surgical units
cover wasn't *too* bad.... busy but survivable
we had a patient admitted at about 9pm with the extremely amusing story (well to me, not so much to him) of having ruptured his rectum (see...not funny for him...as it required fairly extensive surgery) after...uhh....the removal of a foreign body from said rectum *cough vibrator cough*

Mmmmm after that....
the rest of the week seems like a lifetime ago....so i can't really remember...haha
we were the busiest surg unit last week
everyone else had between 1-4 patients while we had about 12
it doesn't sound like alot
but it is...and the work really adds up

week 2 has been better
the learning curve of week 1 was so steep that this week we have managed to hold ourselves up pretty well

the weekend was pretty good
mum had ventured to the land of bad water (ie. adelaide)
so i spent the weekend in heidelberg
fri was dinner with some of my med boys, drinks with fellow interns, then impromptu boozing at our place
sat was brunch with meddies, shopping with meddies, movie night with friends
sun was lunch with regs, grocery shopping....i can't remember what else...

it's been a busy 1.5 weeks
and we finally got paid yesterday
the promised amount is much more exciting than the amount i actually got in my bank account
when i get around to providing recepits to substantiate my claims for salary packaging the money will seep into my bank
until then i continue to lead the life of a poor intern ;)

it's a bit of an incoherant post
and trust me if i was updating more regularly there'd be WAY more whining
but now it's like.......there's been so much that's happened that i cbf writing all about it
that....and i'm running off like 3 hours sleep atm

oh!
alright one little whine before i head off
nurses...
need i say more
just one example
it may not mean anything to you if you're non-medical
but just take my word for it that it's freaking unbelievable

we turned up on the wards after our round to do ward work (ie. write up meds, fluids etc)
and we had a patient due for theatre that afternoon that we were keeping nil by mouth
and the labs had just come back saying the potassium was a bit low, so we wanted to run the bag of fluid with the potassium added to it
so we found the nurse looking after that room
and was like "oh which bag of fluid is running at the moment" *gesturing at fluid chart*
and she's like "oh he's NBM atm"
and we're like "yea...so which bag is he on"
anyhoo i wandered away to deal with another patient
but 2 minutes later my co-intern grabs me and goes
"OMFG, do you know what just happened....she thought NBM means they get NOTHING"
and i'm like "WTF!!! It's nil by MOUTH not nil by VEIN"
stupid stupid nurse
lucky it was early in the morning so the patient hadn't completely dried out to a hollow shell of what they used to be
*rage*

so many more stories
nick and i debrief everynight (read as: bitch everynight)
it's fun and hilarious
our household has GOT to be the bitchiest one around
wait till kevvy gets back
it'd be great
haha

2009 and all that entails

it's been awhile since i've blogged
and to be honest i wondered if i'd get back to it
i've taken quite a hit upon returning from vacation....as most of you are well aware
each day passes and i get better
but my heart still feels the pain daily and i'm not sure it'd ever go away completely
part of me also hopes it doesn't go away completely
it reminds me, it oddly comforts me, helps me believe that i am still human
it also seems to be the least i could do, a twisted tribute, so i shall never forget

anyhoo
moving on
2009 has begun
and orientation started last week
i begin work as an intern tomorrow
first rotation is gen surg at the Northern
and on my first day i'm working cover
which means i work from 7.30am to 10pm
and between the hours of 5 and 10pm i'm the only intern covering all the surgical patients
*deep breath*
God grant me the wisdom and strength!